The Friendship Model

Gema arrived in Australia two years ago. She is 28 years old. She is from Rwanda. There are still people in Rwanda who want her family dead.

Although Gema is safe in Australia, nothing is easy. She tells me she is “painted as a refugee for life.” Her hands clasp together as she explains that safely arriving here is the first step of many, and in some ways, the easiest.

When refugees arrive in Australia, they enter a honeymoon period; this period can last for a month, or it can end overnight. Gema says that the first day is exciting – people are welcoming, you are safe, and everything is okay.

But when you wake up in the morning you need breakfast. For someone who has never seen a toaster before, kitchens are completely foreign. “Okay, I’m an alien,” Gema says.

“I don’t even understand where to press to get hot water for a shower.”

Ken Myers founded Refugee Connect in 2000 and is now close friends with Gema. He explains that refugees go through a rollercoaster of emotions upon arrival in a new country. This first stage is the ‘realisation period.’

“Refugees realise that things have changed, and they grieve. They’ve lost their identity; they’ve lost their homeland; they’ve lost whatever family and friends couldn’t come with them; they’ve lost so much of who they are,” he says.

Gema nods, saying “this feels just like being a lonely tree planted on a whole mountain.”

“You’re given a house, but you don’t know what to do the next morning. It’s just like being detained,” she says.

Refugees then come into an acceptance of themselves in their new surroundings. Here, they begin to solve their own problems.

Gema makes a wide arc with her hands as she explains she was used to working all day.

“When I arrived in Australia it took me a period of time to find work, which I wasn’t used to,” she says.

“When I finally found some, going out for five or six hours in the morning was something I appreciated so much. It gave me a chance to associate myself with the environment of Australia – the new way of thinking and the new way of being a person.

“I was given a chance to be just the same as an Australian person,” Gema beams.

She admits her transition into Australian culture was easier than for most African refugees.

“I had Ken. He made me understand what being an Australian is,” Gema says.

Sometimes, youth don’t reach an acceptance of their surroundings. They exit the system. They alienate themselves.

Ken says these ‘third-culture kids’ don’t fit in with their home culture or their new, Australian one.

“They stand out as not being Aussie physically, and yet they don’t fit in at home because they’ve got an iPhone, freedom, good shoes and can play football or basketball,” he says.

“These kids are alienating themselves, which leads to marginalisation, which leads to hostility. There’s no way they can just be ‘fixed.’

“Although they still go through it all, when they have a friend walking alongside them they realise their culture isn’t wrong, it’s just different," Ken says.

Here’s where you and I enter. Our understanding of Australia’s culture, language and people helps refugees bridge gaps.

We can come in with empathy, humility, time, patience and respect. We can help refugees with language skills, cultural awareness, and continuing to celebrate their own culture while also accepting Australian culture. We can be a friend.

Ken coins this being an ‘Aussie mate.’ He acknowledges that mates may fall out of contact, but they never truly say goodbye.

“If you’re an Aussie, go and say g’day to someone you don’t know… someone who doesn’t look quite like you. If you’re a refugee, go find an Aussie – just go and say g’day!” he says.

Ken smiles, “once you’re an Aussie mate, you’re always an Aussie mate!”

---

For more information on Refugee Connect's services and for ways to get involved, visit https://refugeeconnect.org.au